Damn those herbals, they construddled my weekend away. All well and good, and fun at the time, but the following day, woo watch-out. I am sure they have their place with many, but with me, I think I’ll stick to the old faithful: a glass of bubbles, followed by a few beers, some Patron (or Agavero) shots, with a couple of CC & D chasers, topped off by a Corona for good measure, and you are likely to get a similar euphoric feeling anyway.

So with me being away for the climax of the party week it makes it difficult for me to let you know what went on up in the big smoke, luckily I had a few spies out and about to report back. Before I get to that though, some interesting things occurred before I boarded the big korued bird in the sky.

White is supposed to be way up there in the posh restaurant stakes. If I was anyone out there, I’d ask around and find a new place to impress your significant other, Meredith’s perhaps or The French Café. The food wasn’t bad, sparse yet tasty; it was the annoying service and lack of maintenance that wound me up. Being asked every 10 minutes if everything was satisfactory really pissed me off. I begrudgingly was polite, through a clenched smile. Do these serving staff (on a hefty hourly rate) have a personality at all? Or are they the first iRobot prototypes seen in public. While I’m on my high-horse, the table was dusty, chairs worn, lighting stark and those sea-shell pillars have got to go.

We celebrated leaving as soon as possible at The Cowboy bar’s 2nd birthday. A not so big, but atmospheric bar so good it opened a rival next door, called The Indian. It’s a bar with an ingenious marketing ploy, have $2 cowboy hats (of varied colours) readily available for customers to don, and do their level best to sneak out with before security questions you (I have 5 to date). Any day of the week this place is fun, playing music that all generations appreciate. This Wednesday evening was no different, just more people than normal.

The complimentary drinks flowed till well after I departed. But I did have the pleasure of seeing big Kiwi rugby league international, Brent Todd, singing YMCA at full throttle, on the top of the bar. The arms of his sidekicks, April Ieremia and Matthew Ridge weren’t as pliable and the microphone didn’t get near them.

I really thought The Breakers would make it 5 wins on the trot come Thursday evening. They’d beaten the same team by 20 points in Ozzie 4 days prior. I met guide winners Angela (and her 5 year old son Theo attending his first major live sporting fixture) and Nathan, gave them their tickets and went inside to be engulfed by the biggest crowd of the season. Wow, what an atmosphere. Unfortunately after the 2nd quarter we never looked like winning and went down by 25. Feeling blue I flagged the rest of the night’s planned activities.

I left early Friday on flight NZ423 to Wellington, I’d not been down for almost 2 years so was chomping at the bit to see the changes and party. When I realised we’d been given a penthouse upgrade my mood leapt another notch. We bounded out and got the majority of the tourist things out of the way, Parliament and Te Papa etc. At 3pm it was time to toast the onset of the weekend. Tipsy by 5 we ventured out. Green Room, Shed 5 and Macs Brewery were fun, mixing with “the suits” then to Vespa Lounge, Lawton Lounge, Blend, Red Square, Concrete, Mighty Mighty, Matterhorn and finally Sandwiches to see DJ Heather mix up a storm.

This night carried on till mid-morning when we realised it was cable-car time. Luckily the inner city was relatively sedate so we could scurry about without much general public interaction. The $2.50 ride up to the Botanic Gardens/lookout was painless, but the scorching sun at the top wasn’t. Wandering down 1000 odd steps to Kelburn Park we stumbled into the most PC cricket match ever. Imagine 8 year old upper-class boys dressed in full whites, with all the bells and whistles, playing in front of parents with oozing hampers, rimu deck-chairs and titanic sun umbrellas. A boy would get bowled out and he’d be given another go, another boy would conk a boundary and he’d be retired. Where is the justice?

Realising we weren’t in terrific shape, in fact bordering on vomiting, we drifted back to the penthouse and tried to snap out of it.

Sunday morning, feeling marginally better, me lady and I took a ferry to Days Bay, sort of a cross between St Heliers and Waiheke Island. It was just what the doctor ordered. We dozed off and awoke sunburnt when a kid flicked a shell at me. I don’t remember much from then till landing back at Auckland that night, but it was dream-like.

I found Wellingtonians rather trendy friendly folk, even the odd-balls loitering around had something interesting about them for instance a self confessed Maori dressed as a tribal Aborigine busking, or a man doing press-ups with a pot plant on his head for no reason whatsoever. On the pesky side there were hundreds of clip-board cretins pouncing. Catching their eye meant the certain foreclosure of your bank details to save a whale, child or tree.

Even though I was away I hear ALT TV’s Playhouse Bloc Party on Friday was massive. Ridgey and Toddy were seen up to their old tricks again in the Coco bathrooms, toying with illicit substances, the Flight Lounge DJ at 1.30am had obviously had some of those substances as he stopped the music and began yelling. Forte was like a 21st for older kids, crazy music and mixing that was lapped up by the party-people. Friday also housed Tiki Tane at 4:20 and Muse at Trusts Stadium, both achieved sold-out performances. Those in attendance were treated to vintage quality loaded with new material.

Tabu at The Office Bar and Late Club was a hit, with around 500 going through the doors, well done Adam B. Sadly, you could apparently see that The Late Club will remain solely as a venue for individual events, and won’t sustain anything regular, in the short-term at least. The other 2 recommended events on that night were Club Unity and Legends. Unity was the stand out, DJ Klaas from Germany was in a league of his own. He started with his personal remix of Space and the crowd went nuts. The DJs that played around him supported like champions, making him shine like ET’s finger.

Unlike most sequels Legends (the return) at Ink and Coherent was a blast. It filled up early and the crowd stayed late, enjoying house and hip hop classics inside and a warm night with like minded new friends in the Ink courtyard. Highlights were Grant Kearney’s classic house set at Coherent and Ned Roy’s quick fire mix of hip hop anthems at Ink. Grant’s been firing up Auckland’s dance floors for well over a decade and brought a pumping Coherent to a climax with the inevitable Insomnia. Next door at Ink, Ned Roy’s hip hop beats were a pleasant change to Ink’s usual electro house. He had everyone moving to anthems like Humpty Dance and Public Enemy’s Fight the Power, still sounding fresh after 18 years.

JT’s last show was Monday night. Against my will I didn’t get to meet him, but I am in awe of the fellow. I even stayed up well past my bedtime in hope of him turning up at the Official After Party at Bungalow8. He didn’t, but some of his bodyguards, dancers and roadies did, so that was still a thrill, hearing stories about life on the road with The King Of Pop.

Rather than having a birthDAY, Graziella has a birthWEEK. This is genius. Her one yearly special day is now 7 times longer. I am definitely going to adopt this next year when it’s my turn. Her week commenced with a delightful dinner and a movie at Toto’s restaurant. She chose “Grease”, and dressing up was mandatory. I was surprised at the number of gents that knew all the words to all the songs, in particular Chico and Braidy who both sang lustily.

Just before 11 that night I perked up by downing 2 Red Bulls and was interviewed live on national TV. It was all about this guide and how it came about. It went well but I know which areas to alter for next time. For instance, don’t waffle at 100 miles an hour (damn those RB’s), look at the camera from time to time, and do a bit of preparation. But it was a fun thrill. I’ll put it on Youtube this week for you all to critique.

For the 7th time in 31 months I moved house, this time the reason for the move was that the landlord wanted the property for personal use, or that’s what I was told by my flatmate. Luckily most of my things were still in boxes from the last move so it wasn’t all that strenuous, but still a hassle however. I felt my hard work required rewarding so I checked into The Eden Cloakroom, Mt Eden’s latest bar and eatery. The indoor/outdoor flow is superb with both areas being a similar size. The service was smiley and helpful, and the Erdinger beer I chose did the trick, labelling me unsuitable to drive after 3 of the blighters.

The Kingslander had their maiden dinner and a movie night on Thursday. It was a pilot for the public launch late January next year. From what I experienced, tasted, viewed and sipped it’s going to be a $30pp night not to be missed. I zoomed into Coco afterwards for a quick look at Miss Carter’s “Caddy” business launch. It was quite an eye-opener, a selection of her alluring girlfriends were dolled up, bribed with $50 bar-tabs and acting as flirty hosts for the platinum card wielding sleazy businessmen who have an interest in golf.

From here on possible R&R was out of the question. There was just so much on that my FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) dominated. The Kingslander had their Mid-Movember bash after work on Friday with some very hairy blokes brandishing some grizzly grins, while others had tailored some true Picasso masterpieces. Going on nearby at The Kings Arms was a radical hip-hop night featuring Dam Native and Manual Bundy. The greeting on the door was friendly, as was the crowd. Dam Native finally hit the stage just after 11pm to a relieved uproar. I have never seen live hip-hop before and this 7 piece group seemed to me to be an awesome initiation. I bopped at the back before heading out and over to Newmarket to see two of my favourite hard dance DJ’s perform at Space.

Sharkey (John) and Kevin Energy have to be the most approachable, mad, energetic and adaptable DJ’s on the planet. They were already well into their marathon drinking session when I arrived, mingling, signing anything and posing for photos. Before I knew it they were on, the crowd erupted, the volume got pegged up a couple of notches and the lasers hit Guy Fawkes mode. What surprised me was that their entire set was totally ad lib with no obvious structure but boy did it sound amazing, a style you only get in the UK. Back2back, front2front, these guys were going crazy, MCing and manipulating the throngs at will. At one stage they even stopped the music and made everyone sit cross-legged on the floor and play patty-cake, patty-cake. John and Kevin were supposed to play for 3 hours; they ended up doing almost 6. When the lights came on I tried my level best to get them involved with an after party, but like true big-time DJ’s they had a plane to catch. I filmed most of the party and watching it the next day sober was bamboozling, a true “you had to be there” party.

There wasn’t much time to dwell and recoup as The Grey Lynn Festival started at 9am. The festival had been rained out the previous two years, so the blue sky above this time around had us all smiling with expectation. When we arrived “The Managers” were performing on the main stage, an upbeat funky soul band who rocked the party. The gypsy acid-heads that followed with their tambourine and piano accordian did not, and many left.

Some relaxing drinks with friends in a Parnell spa pool came next, a brief freshen-up second, then on to the launch of Brown Teal Ale, the latest organic beer to hit NZ. It tasted great but I didn’t recognise anyone so stopped by a friends place to catch the end of the netball world cup final. Not happy with the result I went to “Famous”, a mellow dance party held at Opium. I got carried away and was there far longer than I had planned, but it was just so social and fun that I had no choice. This though let me hit the “Deep, Hard & Funky” party at the height of its intensity. Moving along we had a drink, or 2, at Flight, Forte, Coco, Pony and Spy before nesting and calling it a night well into Sunday. There were more treats and trouble that night, but that can stay under wraps for now.

Rain deterred a few punters, but the plans of the determined remained true. The day had arrived where two nations stop to witness a herd of horse’s hoon around a track, competing for prestige and lashings of cash. Yes it was Melbourne Cup time again.

My beginner’s betting luck lasted one race, so confidently I doubled up for the next and the following one, but it was the booze making the decisions now. $45 down I called it a day and focused on socialising and there were plenty of opportunities. It was here that my luck rekindled, to my glee I won the best male dressed; I collected my champagne prize and shared it out.

After the last race at Ellerslie Racecourse everyone comes together at The Curve Lounge, and regurgitates their day to all and sundry. It’s here also where my wish came true and I was allowed to dance freely without being told off and sniggered at.

With aroused spirits we taxied to the Viaduct to amalgamate with those who couldn’t con the day off. Pasha was the place, connected to Green Room and Euro by one hellofa long marquee. It wasn’t congested but had some very interesting people to chat to.

Basketball was a sport I flirted with at High School. Now, with The Breakers’ current success in the Aussie NBL, it’s about to leap-frog soccer and into 3rd place in my preferred sports to watch ladder. Last week again saw us win in nail-biting fashion to inch further up the table. This week we tackle the Wollongong Hawks at The North Shore Events Centre, email me asap if you’d like to go, I have a few spare tickets.

Big Boys Toys was launched by an Aston Martin driving Martin Devlin to a crowd of around 200. After a well rehearsed 1 minute speech he blasted the TNT and the games began. Being able to circulate the stands 2 hours prior to the public opening was blissful, we were hand-shown all the highlights and were treated to fabulous treatment by display owners eager to please the media. Things that impressed me were sitting in a $500,000 Lamborghini for 5 minutes all buckled up, cruising on the 4×4 Segway, seeing the Moon Joos promo girls in their black cat suits and the pole dancers in the Girl-zone. Weighed down by 5 grand goodie bags and a hearty breakfast I meandered off to work.

Planes, trains, boats, buses it doesn’t really matter, when you get a bunch of merry party people together on the same transporter good times are a sure thing. I put on a boat party, called Blue, last Friday, and 140 guide-getters boarded the 3 storied Ocean Eagle catamaran not really knowing what was in store. After initial hiccups with wharf security and local bar owners, taking offence to me handing out complimentary drinks on the dock outside, we were off to a good start. That was till I realised that Gordon had probably broken his foot jumping from the wharf down to the gang plank, luckily he was rather tipsy so the pain was suppressed, and the Eagle soared on.

The DJ’s rocked, and the boat didn’t. Everyone bonded well, some a little too well with bathrooms being occupied for far longer than anyone could possibly require. Bubble Bar held the after party, and with other guide-getters joining us it was the busiest Bubble had ever been. Snowy spun ideal tune after ideal tune, we partied on, chopping back Stoli Skittle shots. The last planned venue rendevous was SpyBar, which housed the stayers until well after dawn.

It wouldn’t be a successful hullabaloo without an impromptu crack-on at someone’s house. Luckily it was a blissful day so with shirts off, and shot glasses poised, we set out to see just how far we could go. We actually went pretty far, ending up in Hamilton at Vilagrad Winery for the Sundown dance party. What a stunning spot. It was odd not knowing many people, but after a couple of vinos it didn’t matter.

I had the best Sunday in months. Without a hangover I did some maintenance on the house, visited Takapuna market then stopped by a friend’s house to see how they fared after a night out celebrating Jodine’s birthday. They were all in tremendous shape, so I caught up, plugged in the decks and away we went.

The quote above is from one someone I take a lot of advice from. The one and only Ferris Bueller.

I haven’t had a bigger start to the weekend in a long time. Wednesday was uncommon and rather frightening. A group of friends got together, hired a bus and went to the old mental hospital in Karaka, that’s been taken over and modified into scare city, aka Spookers. I had never been before and had heard horror stories from past victims, so to say I was apprehensive was a horrendous understatement. There are a few “entertainment” options out there, 3D vortex, corn maze, freaky forest etc. I chose “The Haunted House”. We formed a close pack and inched past the “Do Not Enter” barricade. 20 minutes later we resurfaced covered in blood and shrieking with laughter. It was a fun thrill, but I doubt I’ll go again. I hear the other options are far more frightening. The Haunted House is for rookies.

The El Paradiso Pony Club ensued. It was jumpin’n’pumpin’ and most punters had made an effort to get themed out. I was a bit pissed that the costume I’d bought for last year, and never used, was going to have to wait another year to get a full airing. I was still doused in blood, so all was not lost. A couple of Ecstasy Liqueurs later I was anyone’s.

Thursday saw The Breakers bust open The Brisbane Bullets defense and rack up 127 points, against their 126. The game was one of the highest scoring in NBL history. Anyone going to this week’s game please let me know; I’ll bring the pom-poms and Carlsberg. Thursday was also the first day of Movember, so we had a rather large launch at The Kingslander. The lovely Alyssa and Hannah C did the shaving honours, and 21 gents went under the Gillette Fusion blades to form “The Kingslander Handle Bar Alliance”. The band (James Malcolm & The Debarcles) was great and the Monteiths flowed till late.

My parents flew into town on Friday afternoon for the first time in years, so I was eager to show-off. Luxury Rentals lent me an uber-flash Audi A4 convertible to greet them in, then it was time to hit the Mt Eden Bowling Club for a bit of a roll-up. Persistent drizzle diverted our focus to Pasha in the Viaduct Basin. Big thanks to Roi there, who showed how great service with a smile can be. The olds were very impressed. From there we had a lusty tapas at O’Sarracino, and dessert at Deve. We parted company here, it was onward and upward for me.

I’d been looking forward to seeing Goodwill and John Course mix for weeks, so I wanted to get there early (shame nobody else had the same idea). The place soon began to fill, the tunes heated up and the Agavero and Jagers began to find their way into my belly. Oddly, Karn Hall’s set was the best for me, not the big internationals. Even though his DJ prices have recently gone up, I’m still getting him to DJ my wedding (still at least 7 years away). The vibe at Met & Code isn’t the same as it used to be, before the renovations (not that there’s any visible difference that I can see). But I am sure that with Sam Hill at the helm, the former glory will return.

Getting in at 5.30am is never easy, but when your parents get up soon after it then becomes a problem. After barely 100 minutes rest I rose to a wonderful cooked breakfast. Thanks Mum. We then hit the North Shore for sight-seeing, tennis, coffee, shopping and mini-golf.

“We Will Rock You” is a stage musical show based around the band Queen’s music. I recommend you all to see it. Prices start at $60, so for almost 3 hours of mind-blowing theatre this is a bargain and I am going again. It’s set in the year 2342 (roughly) and music has been banned. There are some renegades that fight against this and rise to overpower. The acting, singing, set and lighting is magical, a true international production. The Achilles heel I feel is the inclusion of Annie Crummer in a lead role, she was too manly and her character didn’t gel with the rest of the cast.

I let my folks have the evening off to do as they pleased. I headed to Sublime Times at The Westin Hotel. Most were in their best party gear and ready for a night on the tiles. Happy Birthday Rob, I still find it hard to believe you’re a sprightly 24; Bravo on your success to date. After a short walk we were at the Les Mills Masquerade Ball. 1000 tickets had been pre-sold, so Toto’s Restaurant was humming from the 9pm commencement; fit bodies and confidence galore, but by midnight it had thinned out dramatically. I guess that’s how they keep so trim and proper. It was only then that there was room to mingle and meet new friendly faces. Jason Eli played a super set and kept the party-heavyweights in good spirits.

Again, after a few minutes sleep, I rose to the smells of a wonderful cooked breakfast. We checked out, and checked into a few markets, before waltzing the cobblestones of Parnell. Karaka Bay is a little secret haven I was shown by a former partner when I first moved up here and I really wanted my parents to also experience its tranquility. Karaka Bay didn’t disappoint and we had a memorable picnic.

We went the long way to the airport and reluctantly bid farewell, but only 41 sleeps to go till we catch-up again, isn’t that right Mum, or was it 40?