What is the medical name for chickenpox? In Maori legend, who was Tumatauenga? Which instruments did Antonio Stradivari produce? St Petersburg, Russia is adjacent to which water body? In the oil industry, what is the tower called which hoists drill pipes?

It’s was questions like these that led my team in NZ’s Biggest Quiz Night to carry the wooden spoon. Had they been more along the lines of; what is the legal drinking age in Sudan? Name the Auckland inner city night spot that has a permanently installed green laser light show? Which internationally renowned DJ is often referred to as “God”? In what decade was Wild Turkey bourbon first barrelled? True or False, the party island of Ibiza is one of the Balearic Islands? We would have stood a chance. (The answers are at the bottom…)

Possible culprits stormed my mind when I saw my smashed car windows last Thursday morning. Nothing was snatched and I wasn’t overly fazed, but the hectic hassle rearranging my life drove me wild. The two main suspects have since been ruled out, so I’m looking for leads.
 
I have a habit (that needs to be tweaked) of rushing into things, but when you are given a body pampering pack you’d think it was all for the body wouldn’t you? So here I am merrily spraying myself bi-daily, for a good week, with what I thought was a sexy scented body spray, before an astute friend starts spraying it randomly around the room. I question the act and am informed that she’s merely using the product for what it was intended. I’d been dousing myself in “A delicious fragrance mist to spritz bed linen and furnishings”. This immediately explained the alien red spot skin irritation that had been priority one concern for me.
 
With the car fixed and skin back to its normal consistency, I lined up some parties on Friday and started knocking them off. We began at mine with vodka, poured more ways than there are petrol price hikes, lounging in the spa. Zipped across town to Mr Vintage’s t-shirt showroom for “Funnel Friday” (they have a beer funnel that you mark your name on when you complete the stated task). We danced, played a variety of ball games and louted about. Fearing property damage, I took the troops around the corner to Denim Bar for their Jager party. 5 – 10 shots later I found myself kicking David Knot off the decks and trying my hand at a profession I used to be good at.
 
Gay Willy’s leaving party at Opium was fun for a look. A few hundred men, and a handful of ladies bopped about. I found the Drum & Bass hard to get jiggy to so we tried 4:20 for A’trackd (a techno party combined with an art show and affordable drinks).
 
With a different DJ/dancefoor layout and heightened marketing, the night was twice as good as last time and again all the art sold before closing. In the club below hip-hop group Dam Native showed up and off, with energy, quality and colour. Rolling down hill we struck an unfamiliarly empty SpyBar, so u-turned it back up to K’Rd to finish the night off at Ink & Coherent.
 
I spent Saturday in my pyjamas, after a brief incognitoed unwanted drive to McD’s, Bakers Delight and Video Ezy. At 4pm an unwanted visitor came knocking, plied me with merlot and helped me get presentable in time to meet my team at NZ’s Biggest Quiz Night. The organisers were hoping to break the world record of 1566 quiz participants; they missed by a few hundred. Our team of guide-getters started well, but faded as attention spans lapsed, and our intelligence was brought into question by the quiz mistress Jackie Clarke when she said; “And Party Marty United brings up the rear. Perhaps you guys should do a little less partying”.
 
I tried for almost an hour to tie the damn thing, then gave up and went for the velcro option. Dressing for the red carpet makes you feel so good. I turned up at the Sky City Convention Centre well rested, brimming with enthusiasm and a pocket full of freshly made business cards. There are 16 Lewisham awards (rewarding the hospitality sector) and they were rattled out within an hour (extra applause given for one sentence acceptance speeches). The schmoozing afterwards at Toto’s was priceless, I had an esteemed guide that pointed me in the right direction; I told my story a dozen times, exchanged cards and made valuable future contacts.
 
Heard of Buizel? I hadn’t until a few days ago. I try and have Monday evenings “off”, so this last one I spent having a drawing competition. My opponent was 6 years old, small and with missing teeth but the little guy had years of Pokemon experience. Buizel looks like a chipmunk on crack, but I’m told it’s really quite talented and its finned tail propels it at sonic speeds. I lost the competition, thanks to a biased judge, but there was a happy ending.
 
I just love the movies; I go at least once a week. On Tuesday I went to see the premier of the latest Kiwi flick “The Last Magic Show”. The best bit was meeting the 10 guide-getters who won tickets and brought their guests, some I knew, others I’m glad I now do. You see due to technical difficulties I didn’t get to even enter the theatre, my patience was not a virtue and after an hour standing in the foyer I called it quits, favouring a good friends birthday dinner at La Bocca before coming back to the office to write this.
 
Answers 1: Varicella, The God of War, Violins, The Gulf of Finland, Derrek.
Answers 2: None, it’s illegal, Forte, Paul Van Dyk, 1850’s, True.